I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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