i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
