dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
