The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
