So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
