First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
