If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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