Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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