so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
there is glitter all over my balls
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