Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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