Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
