i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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