next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
