i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
