dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Damn victory sex feels great
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
