who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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