I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
