dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
