Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
