What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
