I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
