you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You are the jesus of drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
