Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
