Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
