I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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