I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
