You made me cry and you don't even care
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
