We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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