Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
