my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
