I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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