Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
