it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours