I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?