so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
