just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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