I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
