are you still at the devil's house?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
