i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
