You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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