Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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