Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Come on in and take your pants off
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