i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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