All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize