dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
