mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
