i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
