"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
