This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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