I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
