We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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