let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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