Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
