you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
