I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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