and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
