I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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