Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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