My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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