He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
