good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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