i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
