I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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