Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
