where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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